I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
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