I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
Randomize
