I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Randomize
