hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
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