I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
Randomize
