Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
Randomize
