Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
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