New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
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