This dress was meant to end up on your floor
only you would photoshop your dick
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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