I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
Randomize
