WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
Your dad touched me again.
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Randomize
