you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
