Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
Randomize
