I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
Randomize
