how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
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