it wasn't lemon gatorade
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
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