you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
Randomize
