He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
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