I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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