I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
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