Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
and she was petting her beer can
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize
