when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
