Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Randomize
