you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
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