I feel like I'm in dance class right now
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
Randomize
