so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Randomize
