You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
i just made my gag reflex go away.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
Randomize
