did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
