Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
Randomize
