Can i not drive my cunt home
U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
Randomize
