theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
I'm way too hungover for life right now
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
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