Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
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