Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
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