Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
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