Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
Randomize
