did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
Randomize
