Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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