i wish my penis had a tongue
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
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