I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
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