kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
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