I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
So much rum. So many feels.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
He shit in the fireplace
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