Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
