I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
I am never drinking with the goths again.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
Randomize
