If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
I queefed so loud it echoed.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
Are my feet made of real feet?
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
Randomize
