well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
