I'm so fucking centered right now
I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
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