I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
