that's an acceptable place to lick
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
Randomize
