if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
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