my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
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