Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
