Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
