Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Pooping to opera.
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