I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
