The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Randomize
