Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
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