I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
Randomize
