Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
